sometimes, i just wished i could be smarter, be faster, be less clumsy etc.
it's damn demoralising to keep trying and trying but nothing is achieved no matter how hard or how many times u've tried. maybe i'm just not good enough for it, i know it would be damn irresponsible for me to quit halfway through, and i wouldn't do so because i don't want to be called a loser. but just for this passion, i have forgone so many things already. it's pointless to list them all out here because i know decisions have consequences and since i've chosen to be committed, there's nth much to be done now.
actually i'm just disappointed with myself, and having this 'oh-so-singaporean' mentality that why others can do it and i can't. i feel so terrible and incompetent. maybe i shouldn't be pushing myself too hard since it's almost impossible that i can perform as well as the others. cos everytime i fall, i would feel so ashamed of myself and it's so friggin' difficult to pick myself up everytime it happens.
maybe, it's just not meant to be.
=(
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
