i finally realised the uncertainty of life. the grandpa of one of my best buds had passed away last nite... n ytd we were jus toking abt the condition of him... hais` n the thg is he's not a believer of Jesus christ... jus imagine where he'll end up at... tis grandpa of my fren, is a very good guy... whenever we go to their hse, he wud always carry a radiant smile.. asking whether we ate our dinner or lunch.. yea` but its past liaos.. ever since he got cancer... jus earlier on he wanted to commit suicide... most probably of the unbearable pain... hais` tis makes mi thk of how m i gonna die when im old... will my son/daughter be there for mi? will my grandsons/daughters be like my fren who will stay by my side?
another best bud's grandma is in hosp too... hais. all of them are like so down n sad. it made mi thk of the decease of my late uncle and grandma... at tt time when my mum informed mi abt my uncle's death.. i didnt feel that disheartened. i even complained abt how they treated my mum in the past. i refused to go to his wake despite my mum asking mi to go. how heartless m i? when my grandma died, i didnt shed a tear. not tt my tear gland was not functioning. i jus cant find a reason to cry at all. its like.. im not close to her.
i thk i nid some compassion. im like so cold hearted. hais` i duno.. i really wanna bless my best frens in Jesus's name tt they will pull through tis period of time.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
